This blog post is for anyone who has recently (or maybe not recently) gone through a breakup.
Learning how to get over a breakup is not easy. Breaking up with someone you love is always a hard decision for both parties involved. in light of the fact that I recently went through a breakup with my (now ex) boyfriend, I wanted to share a few tips on things that have helped me feel better.
Accepting the Breakup
Regardless of how things ended, it’s important to accept that the relationship is now over. Although it’s hard to separate yourself from someone you once (or still) loved, it’s vital to the process of moving on and healing.
Take some time to reflect on your relationship. Don’t get caught up thinking about all the good times as this will block you from healing. Remind yourself of all the good times you’ve had together, and be grateful for them, but also reflect on the reasons why you’re breaking up. Once you can calmly come to terms with this, you are in a good position to start feeling better.
If your significant other was the one who broke up with you, reflect on the things that went wrong. Try to grow and be better, and take away something that can help you mature and be better for your future relationships. Remember, you don’t wanna stay caught up on somebody who doesn’t want to be with you. If someone wants to break up with you, you need to accept their decision. Respect that they told you instead of stringing you along. If you were the one who broke up with your significant other, try not to feel guilty for your decision. You need to do what’s best for yourself. Never let anyone make you doubt your feelings or decisions when you know what you need. Make sure you explained your feelings when you broke up (so your significant other could understand).
Regardless of who initiated the breakup, try to understand that this is what needed to happen for both of you to be happy in the long term.
Talking to Friends & Family
Once you’ve had time to accept the breakup, it’s always good to talk to some friends or family. Explain your feelings and the situation, and hear out their advice. These people want the best for you and hope to see you happy, so it’s always good to ask others for help or just to have an ear to listen.
Try Writing or Journaling
Although talking to friends and family is always helpful, it’s also important to come to terms with all the thoughts and feelings you’re afraid to open up about. Writing in a journal can be very therapeutic.
You can pretend you’re addressing the letter to your ex and write all the things you never said but wish you did. You can also write down things they did that made you unhappy. Write out anything you need to! In the end, you can simply leave the letter or rip it up and throw it out. I would recommend the latter – the ripping up sort of symbolizes letting go of those negative feelings. One thing I must say: I would not recommend sending this letter to your ex. This process is for you to feel better and gain closure, regardless of how the other person feels. True closure is not found from making someone else feel a certain way.
You can also take out a blank piece of paper and write down how you’ve been feeling. If you’re frustrated, sad, angry, lonely – just start writing and eventually you might figure out the deeper reason why. This exercise can be confrontational with oneself, but I think that can be healthy after a breakup. It’s important to understand what specifically causes your emotions to be a certain way. That will be the right step towards feeling better.
For example, some people are afraid to go through a breakup because they don’t want to be alone. They would rather stay in a relationship that isn’t right for them than be on their own. However, being on your own is the best time to discover more about yourself. It can be scary at first, but embrace that time on your own and think of it as an opportunity to focus all your energy on yourself and the things you love to do. Over time, being the best version of yourself will attract good people to you. Naturally, you will find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Avoid Contact As Much As Possible
How to get over a breakup you might ask? Probably the best advice I have is to limit your contact with the other individual. Of course, there are times when communication is necessary, but still, try to avoid reaching out or lashing out as much as possible.
Both parties are emotional and vulnerable after the breakup, and continuous contact will only create more emotions. You cannot control how someone else feels. Calling or texting to try to make someone feel bad, or trying to express your own feelings to get a reaction will never work. You might get a reaction, but maybe not the one you were hoping for. You only have control over your emotions and how you handle the breakup and move on. If your ex is doing this in a different way than you, then you might end up feeling hurt. At least for the first few weeks, while the breakup is fresh, try your best to focus on your own feelings, not theirs.
Sometimes, this might mean unfollowing them or blocking them on social media. If you don’t want to see the stuff they’re posting, this might be a good (temporary or permanent) option. Do what you need to do to feel better about the situation. Once the breakup isn’t so fresh, you could always follow them back if you see fit.
I also think that limiting contact actually makes the other person more curious about you. If you spend the time maturing and focusing on yourself, the other person will start to fear that you’re better off without them.
Let Out Your Emotions
After a breakup, it’s important to let yourself grieve. You can do this through journaling, or simply just by thinking about things on your own. It’s completely normal to be upset, angry, frustrated, sad, and lonely. Those feelings are valid. Let yourself feel them! If you want to cry, then cry your eyes out. It sounds crazy, but sometimes letting all those feelings out upfront saves you from worse emotions in the long term.
If you don’t face your emotions they will build up and all come out at once. Let yourself be sad for a few days. Do the classic breakup activities – binge-watch some Netflix, eat lots of ice cream, and cry to your friends and family.
Keep Busy – Slowly Start finding Your Passions
Now that you’re out of your relationship, you have tons of time to devote to yourself. Think about some of the things you love doing, or make a list of things you’ve always wanted to try. Even think about the things you always said you would do in your relationship but never made time for. This is the time to start exploring all these interests and become the best version of yourself (sounds very cheesy lol).
For example, I always wanted to spend more time reading when I was in my past relationship, but it seemed to fall to the bottom of the priority list every day. After my breakup, I promised myself I would devote more time to reading, and that’s what I’ve been doing! I’ve also taken up other things/hobbies such as sewing, investing, and running.
Staying busy is key. Throw yourself into your work, projects, or school. Take this time to work on your professional goals. Success in your professional life will make you feel better all-around.
Try to make the most of this time you have on your own. It’s easy to feel bored and be unproductive, but you will feel so much better if your days are productive and fulfilling. Try to do one thing a day that is for your own enjoyment. You could read for 15 minutes, go for a walk on your own, bake something, learn a new language, go to the gym, journal, go shopping, or literally anything your heart desires. I promise you will feel so much better!! Keeping busy is key to progressing along the process of moving on.
Get Regular Sleep & Exercise
I cannot stress this point enough!
Sleep, exercise, and a proper diet are so important to feeling like your best self after a breakup. You are already emotional – without sleep, you will only feel worse! Make sure you’re eating nutritious meals and getting 7+(hopefully more) hours of sleep if possible. Even with exercise, you don’t have to do something of high intensity every day, but try to do something small if you can. Go for a quick walk or jog, lift some weights, try yoga, do an at-home workout, play a sport, etc.
How to Get Over A Breakup… Self Care!
Never forget to focus on your self-care.
Take a bath to help you relax. Use Epsom salts, bath bombs, or essential oils too. Make some new playlists and explore new music you’ve never listened to before. Work on your skincare routine. Do face masks. Get a new haircut. Go to the nail salon and treat yourself. You want to feel your best inside and out after a breakup.
Surround Yourself With Friends and Family
This goes back to the point I made earlier, but it’s important to be surrounded by people who care about you and want the best for you. Connect with your friends and family and do something fun together. For example, I had breakfast on a patio with my grandma and my sister the other day, and went golfing and had lunch with my other grandma a few days before. I’ve also spent lots of time with my family recently and it’s helped me feel better.
You can also make an effort to reconnect with old friends! Use this time to strengthen friendships that you fell out of touch with.
Dating Again After A Breakup – Yes or No?
Personally, this has never helped me feel better. However, that doesn’t mean it might not help you. This is a personal preference.
One positive about dating again is that it will make you realize there are many other “fish in the sea”. However, dating again can be done anytime after your breakup, and I would recommend waiting at least until you start feeling better. Ultimately, you are the only one who knows what’s best for you, so do what you think will help you move on and feel better!
How to Get Over A Breakup – Closing Thoughts
At the end of the day, learning how to get over a breakup comes with time! Nothing heals or changes overnight – and that’s okay. You devoted your time and love to this one person and it takes time to truly move on. It might take some people days, others months, and some years. Remember, there is no blueprint for dealing with a breakup. That’s why it’s so important to be with your own thoughts and focus only on yourself (not how your ex is grieving or moving on). If your ex moves on in weeks and it takes you months, it can be hard, but it’s okay. Everyone grieves differently. Focus on yourself and the progress you have made! Don’t worry about anyone else along the way.
Thanks again for reading this post on Big Sister Blog. If you have your own tips on how to get over a breakup, comment down below – I would love to hear!
The last thing I want to leave you with is this: moving on can be hard, but know that you will find happiness again! Let yourself grieve, focus on being productive, and with each day you will start to feel better. It will take time to fully move on and heal, but you will be on a good path to getting to that point with these steps.
Share this post with your friends above!